Farewell Elaine

  I mentioned a few blogs ago about my friend Elaine.  She was called home a day and half ago to be with Jesus.  A life here on earth snuffed out to quickly; but the impact of her life huge, beyond measure, and in ways that my human mind and heart don't fully comprehend. I stood in my bathroom this morning at 5 am crying as I was praying for her family.  My crying honestly was more for her 3 young adult sons and of course as a mom of a 24 and 27 year-old I couldn't help but think of them and what it would be like to lose their parents.  Would they miss me? Would they teach their children the things I've taught them? Will they seek after a relationship with our Savior in their own unique way?
  Elaine and I hadn't seen a lot of each other the past few years.  As so often happens, life had taken us on our own journeys the past several years.  However, as I am getting older the definition I place on friendship looks so much different than it did when I was younger.  I so appreciate all the friendships I've had in my lifestime.  Many have been just for a season (whether short or long), some are for a lifetime.  And it matters not whether they are there always or on occasion.  What matters for me is how I am able to serve and love and plant into them, even if ever so briefly.   I used to want friends who always gave back to me; now I don't honestly think of that so much. And the reality is that so many people do sew something into the fiber or the tapestry of your life.   
 That's how Elaine was.  I watched her handle her husband's death with grace and strength that was amazing; and truly a testimony to a life built into following Christ.  I watched from a distance, mostly through following her blogs and praying for her, and on occasion with a visit to her, as she fought this six-year battle with cancer.  She challenged me to love my children more deeply and not to forget that you can still strongly influence your adult children once they leave home.  So many people touched by one Spirit-filled woman.   Here's one of the things she wrote in her journal just weeks before her death:
  As I laid in the CT scan donut, arms over head tingly and falling numb, I had a picture of Christ with His arms spread wide on the cross, bleeding and suffering. And I thought, “This is nothing.” Thank you, Lord, for all the sweet gifts You have given me these 51 years. So many gifts, many overlooked, but so many gifts."
  What a testimony; and she inspired so many to live a life pressed into our faithful God.  I hope I, too, can be that type of woman - in sickness or in health.  And to "live in a manner worthy of the Good News about Christ" as Paul encourages in Philippians 1:27.  God speed Elaine. 

Sleepless in Des Moines

One of the joys of midlife is sleepless nights. Thankfully they aren't nearly as often as they used to be. I went through a three year spell where it was pretty much nightly. I put an alarm clock under the couch so that when I finally would drift to sleep around 3-4 am I would still be able to wake up at 5:30 am. It was a very dark time. How I thank God for a book I found in the back room of a little shop in Stillwater, Minnesota on hormones. As I read that book the chapters spoke loud and clear to me that at the age of 45 I was in pre-menopause and if I didn't find some help soon my employer and my husband would probably have me committed. I remember thinking at the time "no wonder so many couples divorce after 25-30 great years of marriage. This hormone thing was like the story "where's Waldo" because truly, I had no idea who I was and what they'd done with the real Julie.


Now when I wake up in the morning it's very seldom; and I usually use it as an opportunity to spend a little more time with God. "If you seek me you will find me"--a favorite scripture and one I live by. As I was laying in bed fighting sleep, I was reminded this morning (because it's 1:30 am in Des Moines) of the scripture from Psalm 121:3 that says "He will not let your foot slip--he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep." Love that. While I cannot sleep, my gracious God is listening to my ramblings this morning, letting me hop up on his lap and listening to me as if I were the only one in the world. He hears me when I talk, and wants to listen to me. I'm sleepless; He is not. Gonna talk to him a bit more and listen to a song by Kari Jobe that really speaks my heart. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3GijrnfStk Then I'll wait for slumber to finally come for me. He obviously has something he wants to tell me.

Diversity

When I was reading about friendship this morning I read this quote by Maya Angelou "We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color."  I spent the evening with four friends last night, most of whom I haven't seen for quite awhile.  In fact, the last time we spent a good chunk of time together was two years ago when we celebrated my 50th birthday.  It was more than just a girls birthday weekend; it was a spiritual retreat where we looked deep into our souls and talked about God as we celebrated life and friendships.  
  I love the diversity of these and other friendships.  And I am so grateful that the older I get, the more comfortable I become in who I am.  I am not nearly so worried about what people think about me (isn't that what you do in your teens, 20s and 30s?).  I am comfortable in my own skin; I am willing to speak what I'm thinking and not fret about it for hours afterwards.  I also am less about trying to put people in a box and think they should be something they're not.  These four women are so different.  One has been wrestling with God and the persona that the modern-day evangelical church places on people; another was on a two-year journey to find a different place to worship after rumblings of discontent, only to return to our local place of worship.  Another has recently had her second reconstructive surgery in an effort to help her body and self image.   We all have our "stuff".  And what a colorful conversation we had.  Celebrating life...questioning....pressing....laughing.  Diversity at its finest.

Don't you love creation

They say life is a journey.  I tell my consultants and women I disciple in their relationship with God "enjoy the journey".  Most days I enjoy it; some I don't.   I'd say we definitely recently had a "journey of a lifetime"....a trip that will go down as one of our most memorable, although I've had so many memorable ones.  The Mendenhall Glacier in Alaska.   Such a contrast from Iowa.  I really do love summer in Iowa, even though the humidity is not fun. I love rising early as the sun is peaking over the horizon. I love listening to the birds sing as they awaken us all. And I love marveling at God's creation. One week ago I was taking in the beauty of Alaska and Canada and reflecting on His Word in Revelation 4:11 "You are worthy O Lord our God, to receive glory and honor and power. For You created everything, and it is for Your pleasure that they exist and were created." WOW - to think that he created all this for his pleasure and WE get to enjoy it and nurture it and experience Him through it. I love that.

  After we left the glaciers we journeyed down to the Butchart Gardens in Victoria.  Wow,  another example of unique and beautiful - can't even put into words.  What a trip; what a journey into "the last frontier" as Alaska is called".   And how grateful I am that we were able to go (thanks to my company).

  Life is so short. My sis-in-law just died in January at age 50; another friend died in May at age 51 from cancer, and a 3rd friend has weeks/months, leaving behind 3 young sons in their 20s.  None of these women will get to travel at a time when you can finally afford it, although to those whose faith was founded in Christ they are in that place of eternity where we can only but imagine.  None will get to watch her grandchildren grow and experience the joy of spending time with them. None will get to nurture them and build into them and teach them about God. None will get to enjoy her adult children and spend time on walks with her husband, at a time when the wisdom of the years starts settling in. That makes me sad. I love the time I spend with my husband, my children and my precious grandson, Dawson. And so as long as God gives me life and breath I will live full-on. Traveling to enjoy His creation, spending time with friends and family. Worshiping God and loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. Learning to age with grace and appreciate each and every day that God chooses to give me breath.