You Never Stop Missing Your Kids

Cousins at the Rose Cottage

 You never stop missing your kids do you?  My daughter came home for 3 1/2 days last week - first time in 5 years that she's been here around the holidays and it was way too short!   I think a mom never stops wanting to have her children around at Christmas, at least I don't.  All the wonderful memories of years past; celebrating this special season together - it never stops.  And of course as the parent you have your own ideas of what you should do and who they should see and of course they have their idea.  And then comes getting married, having to share with others, blended families....and learning to just be quiet which I'm not always very good about.



Amanda, future daughter-in-law?

   This time was so sweet. We spent a few hours at a cute tearoom visiting family; then a short shopping trip to the mall and the infamous Trader Joes that finally opened in Des Moines, then the winter farmers market where homemade food beckoned at every corner; two family Christmases and a birthday celebration. It was fun to watch Nicole with her nephew Dawson.  Only the second time she's seen him.   I remember how special my times were with my aunts and uncles. I still swear that I remember one visit in particular with my Uncle Russell and his wife when I spent several days there on the farm.  My mother says it's not possible to remember something that happened when I was two but I am positive I remember it. In fact, I can still picture the stairway and the bedroom I slept in.  I desire that for my grandson - that he would know his aunt because those relationships are invaluable.  And visits to aunts and uncles when mom and dad aren't around are way too much fun! I still have a special relationship with a couple of my nieces in particular, and I love having them near.  I'm also blessed to have, I think, a future daughter-in-law nearby who I'm loving getting to know more.   They all help me when I wish my daughter was closer to go on a shopping trip with or go to a movie with.  God's gracious to give them to me, and what a beautiful gift to be able to spend those three short, but wonderful days with my daughter.   

A Nagging Wife

  As so often God does, he awakened me this morning with the words "a nagging wife is like a dripping faucet."  POW - not words you enjoy hearing but when the Holy Spirit whispers to me it's like the old EF Hutton commercial "when EF Hutton speaks, people listen".  
  The deal is, these whisperings didn't take me by surprise.   I've found myself nit-picking at my husband a lot lately.  I condemn the things he puts in his mouth, I prod and push him to start exercising, I grumble at his sitting around watching TV doing endless Sodoku puzzles.  Pick, pick, pick and before you know it I feel lousy about myself and he's frustrated and tuned out to anything I say.   I've told myself hundreds of times not to become one of those old nagging wives and yet I do it anyway.   He's an awesome husband, a great dad and a wonderful grandpa.   Does the dishes every night; loves God; leads by example - so why do I pick on the negative things he does or doesn't do rather than build up the wonderful man he is?  
  Proverbs 21:19 says "better to live in a desert than with a crabby, complaining wife."  And Ephesians 4:29 says "do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building up according to their needs."  So the question is WILL I LISTEN TO THE HOLY SPIRIT and WILL I LISTEN TO GOD'S WORD.  My choice; I certainly know that.  I can't change my husband and his health choices no more than I can change inevitable snow that has arrived in Iowa.   I need a tongue grabber so that every time I start nagging my tongue gets yanked.  How I pray for my nagging tongue to only be edifying to him today. 

  For the past 9 months I have been dealing with chronic bilateral lateral epicondylitis.   To put that in laymann's terms it means I have tennis elbow.  Named because so many tennis players deal with this condition from the repetitive motion of swinging a tennis racket.  Now mind you, I hadn't played tennis in years. We're not even sure why I started experiencing it in my right elbow.  Could be from the kickboxing I was doing, maybe from the weight training...who knows.  I got irritated with it this summer because it wasn't going away so I did decide to get out the tennis racket and my husband and I had fun every Sunday evening for about 6 six weeks and yup, you guessed it. Now my left elbow has it too - so it really is tennis elbow.
  To be honest, it's been really annoying.  It's kept me up at night; I have a hard time holding the blow dryer;  my yoga practice and any weight training has been affected; I get burning in my arms after I play the piano or even dust the furniture or vacuum.  Yup, it pretty much stinks.  And I've tried all kinds of modalities like physical therapy, no upper body activity, acupuncture, chiropractor and as of this writing I've just ordered myself a couple of magnetic elbow braces.   We'll see.
  As I'm doing my bible study this past week I realized what a whiner I am.  Trust me, I've whined a lot about this.  The Holy Spirit has led me to study through Luke for the next month or so and I was reflecting on Mary and her response to God when she learns she is pregnant.  The Bible doesn't tell us a lot about her reaction.  It does say in Luke 1:29 "Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be."   We get a sense of her acceptance in verse 38 when she says "I am the Lord's servant...may it be to me as you have said."   Then she leaves and goes to see her cousin Elizabeth and I can't help but think that the two of them (she spent about three months there) had their fair share of  whining together.  Did she share her fears, her anxiety, her confusion about all that was happening? Did she say "God, why me?"  If she did we don't know.  What we do know is that she responded by PRAISING GOD.  I love this!  We read her praises in verse 46-55.  "My soul glorifies the Lord."  "my spirit rejoices in God my Savior" "He has performed mighty deeds with his arm"
   Read it for yourself.  God quieted my grumbling spirit for a bit and His Word has really challenged me to praise myself out of this.  I may have to deal with this awhile longer. I don't know.  However, I do know that I can change my attitude and praise my faithful God who is wanting to grow me in the midst of this irritating condition. 
  What are you grumbling about today?   What's caused you fear?  What's made you annoyed and irritated? Maybe you, too, need to spend a little time praising God instead.  Be like Mary. Be like David. It'll do your heart good.  It did me.

Carbs or no Carbs

  Seriously, read the magazines and you will be so confused on whether you should be eating high protein, no protein, vegan, vegetarian, complex carbs - what in the world.   And as this body gets older the plain and simple truth is I just can't tolerate some of the things I used to. 
  Recently I've been having acupuncture on a severe bout of  bilateral lateral epicondylitis - best known as tennis elbow.   This has been ongoing since about March when my desire to "be in" with the city's trend of kickboxing got the best of me.   Punching bags to relieve my frustration felt good internally but externally it wreaked havoc with my knees and elbows.  I gave up that; gave up heavy weights, got mad because it wasn't making any difference so started playing tennis this summer and of course it got worse. I've I've tried multiple modalities hoping acupuncture will work.
  At any rate, the acupuncturist gave me some very interesting nutritional information.  Nutrition is vital and acupuncture will be more effective if the body is detoxing as well.  And reading how the Chinese people eat, so much of it makes sense.  Now I've been incorporating much more tea into my daily routine.  I never have been a huge coffee drinker but was told that even drinking water never truly hydrates you and gives you the nutrients you need through fluids.  The Chinese also believe that your food should be warm - that it's easier on your spleen to have your food be warm so the spleen doesn't have to work so hard.  So rather than eating cold vegetables and juicing it's better to steam them (not in a microwave because microwaves irradiate all the nutrients).   I steamed broccoli, carrots and cauliflower yesterday, added some spinach and diced chicken and a little peanut sauce.   Drank my mangosteen team and I have to say - it was pretty tasty.  
  I've been drinking tea now for nearly a week; but this weekend Starbucks' creme brulee lattes come out and how in the world can I resist one of these when the wind is howling and the cold is beckoning me to something more tasty?  More tasty and laden with sugar and stuff that's not good for you?  Ugh.......
  Oh - want to read more?  Here's an interesting link: http://www.mindbodyherbs.com/uploads/The_Power_of_Food_basics.pdf

The Quest for Healthy Eating

  The older I get the more I realize that I can't eat like I used to.   Now, as a whole, I'm pretty slim.  I try to work out 4-5 times a week, and I try to change up my routine so I don't bored.  I have a tendency to get tired of the same old same old.  In fact, this summer my husband and I decided to take up tennis again after about 15 years of not playing.   I have felt like a little kid again.  We're not that great (although we like to think we are), but more fun than that is the laughter and enjoyment of doing something together that's not work.  Of course, the laughter raises when I get in a great shot that he can't return or when I beat him--love that!
  Anyway, I'm a product of a farm girl which meant we had sweets around all the time so that we could feed the helpers who came in the summer to bale hay and walk beans.  We never had a meal without dessert, and to this day I love it.  But darn, I can't eat as much as I used to and neither can my husband.  So I'm always looking for ways to eat sweets without adding all the sugar.  A few years ago a friend introduced me to agave nectar, a natural sweetener derived from the root of the agave plant.   There are some misconceptions that it is no different from high fructose corn syrup. You can read all about it, specifically this brand of agave on this website: http://www.xgave.com/  I love it and use it to sweeten my oatmeal, steel cut oats, plain yogurt, smoothies and recently started branching out into using it for desserts so that yes, I can still have my sweets without all the calories and pointless calories found in refined sugar.   Even some great recipes on this site.
  Okay, off to make dinner.  Tonight whole grain pasta with sundried tomato pesto purchased from the Gateway Market in Des Moines.  For dessert, peaches with agave.  Maybe just a dab of whip cream.  Love it!!

My "FREE" weekend

  So when it's unbearable outside, and the mosquitos chew you up at 9:00 in the morning and you happen to find yourself with a totally free weekend what do YOU do?  Sadly, (or maybe not sadly because I love my job), I almost always end up in my office.  But I have been vowing to find myself things to do that take me away from the office and the computer that use my creativity.
  So this weekend I browsed around the farmers market, had coffee with a friend, then headed to the fabric store to buy some material and pulled out the wonderful sewing machine I bought 3 years ago; used, and then tucked away in a closet.  The result was a fun afternoon making myself an apron.  Nothing earth shattering - and it's not a fancy one but it was fun.  Now I'm thinking of making some fabric wall art.  Why don't we all take time for our hobbies; and why do I feel guilty for having a weekend when I really don't have something specific I need to be doing?  Shouldn't we revel in that moment scarce as they are?  Shouldn't I just say "this is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it?" 
  I am grateful for the weekend.  Truth of the matter is, I had a long "honey do list" for my husband.  A list of things to do outdoors but it was too hot, he hurt his back and I couldn't do the list by myself.  So I guess God treated me to a  relaxing weekend for a reason.  What a joy!

Being a grandma

  How in the world does anyone put into words the joy of being a grandma?  I remember  a few years ago when we learned we were going to be grandparents I was anything but excited.   First of all, I felt we were too young.  As if there is some magic number when one feels like they are "ready" or "entitled" to be a grandparent.   I always thought of my grandparents as being old.  They were always wrinkled, always hunched over, always LOOKED like grandparents.  And that never changed.  So to think that I was going to be a grandma at the age of 50??  Well, that just didn't seem like it should be so.

  And of course, as ANY grandparent will tell you, once they BECOME a grandparent, there is nothing better.  Truly.  A friend of mine a couple of years ago talked about making time for grandparenting.  That in this busy culture when people work much beyond regular retirement ages that often we don't allow ourselves the time to be a grandparent.   And that when we finally do have time for them, they don't have time for us.  So as long as I'm blessed to have a job that allows me flexibility (thank you BeautiControl direct sales opportunity for 20+ years), then I am going to make time in my schedule to truly enjoy being a grandma.  The once a week time I get to have a grandma day is a highlight for sure.
  Last week's fun included swimming lessons.  I had this idea that I'd sit by the pool watching Dawson paddle away, but no, I had to get down in the pool with him with his every other word being "I wanna go see my grandma".   And pretty soon I'm paddling away and blowing bubble myself.  Oh, being a kid again.  Guess grandparenting does that to you. 

Another sleepless night

  Not sure if it's a full moon or not.  A friend told me a few years ago to pay attention to that because that's normally when she can't sleep.  I don't know if that's true or not....I always attribute it to hormones.  
  I had to laugh at a friend who told me often when she wakes up she goes into her closet to read.  I've never tried that - I usually grab my pillow and head to the couch.  And it's hard to concentrate at 3 am so I usually grab my computer. Thank goodness for laptops.
  Thank goodness too for eye pads.  BeautiControl has saved my life more than once when I have a sleepless night and wake up with bags under my eyes.  I know I'm definitely going to need them in a few short hours. 

Farewell Elaine

  I mentioned a few blogs ago about my friend Elaine.  She was called home a day and half ago to be with Jesus.  A life here on earth snuffed out to quickly; but the impact of her life huge, beyond measure, and in ways that my human mind and heart don't fully comprehend. I stood in my bathroom this morning at 5 am crying as I was praying for her family.  My crying honestly was more for her 3 young adult sons and of course as a mom of a 24 and 27 year-old I couldn't help but think of them and what it would be like to lose their parents.  Would they miss me? Would they teach their children the things I've taught them? Will they seek after a relationship with our Savior in their own unique way?
  Elaine and I hadn't seen a lot of each other the past few years.  As so often happens, life had taken us on our own journeys the past several years.  However, as I am getting older the definition I place on friendship looks so much different than it did when I was younger.  I so appreciate all the friendships I've had in my lifestime.  Many have been just for a season (whether short or long), some are for a lifetime.  And it matters not whether they are there always or on occasion.  What matters for me is how I am able to serve and love and plant into them, even if ever so briefly.   I used to want friends who always gave back to me; now I don't honestly think of that so much. And the reality is that so many people do sew something into the fiber or the tapestry of your life.   
 That's how Elaine was.  I watched her handle her husband's death with grace and strength that was amazing; and truly a testimony to a life built into following Christ.  I watched from a distance, mostly through following her blogs and praying for her, and on occasion with a visit to her, as she fought this six-year battle with cancer.  She challenged me to love my children more deeply and not to forget that you can still strongly influence your adult children once they leave home.  So many people touched by one Spirit-filled woman.   Here's one of the things she wrote in her journal just weeks before her death:
  As I laid in the CT scan donut, arms over head tingly and falling numb, I had a picture of Christ with His arms spread wide on the cross, bleeding and suffering. And I thought, “This is nothing.” Thank you, Lord, for all the sweet gifts You have given me these 51 years. So many gifts, many overlooked, but so many gifts."
  What a testimony; and she inspired so many to live a life pressed into our faithful God.  I hope I, too, can be that type of woman - in sickness or in health.  And to "live in a manner worthy of the Good News about Christ" as Paul encourages in Philippians 1:27.  God speed Elaine. 

Sleepless in Des Moines

One of the joys of midlife is sleepless nights. Thankfully they aren't nearly as often as they used to be. I went through a three year spell where it was pretty much nightly. I put an alarm clock under the couch so that when I finally would drift to sleep around 3-4 am I would still be able to wake up at 5:30 am. It was a very dark time. How I thank God for a book I found in the back room of a little shop in Stillwater, Minnesota on hormones. As I read that book the chapters spoke loud and clear to me that at the age of 45 I was in pre-menopause and if I didn't find some help soon my employer and my husband would probably have me committed. I remember thinking at the time "no wonder so many couples divorce after 25-30 great years of marriage. This hormone thing was like the story "where's Waldo" because truly, I had no idea who I was and what they'd done with the real Julie.


Now when I wake up in the morning it's very seldom; and I usually use it as an opportunity to spend a little more time with God. "If you seek me you will find me"--a favorite scripture and one I live by. As I was laying in bed fighting sleep, I was reminded this morning (because it's 1:30 am in Des Moines) of the scripture from Psalm 121:3 that says "He will not let your foot slip--he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep." Love that. While I cannot sleep, my gracious God is listening to my ramblings this morning, letting me hop up on his lap and listening to me as if I were the only one in the world. He hears me when I talk, and wants to listen to me. I'm sleepless; He is not. Gonna talk to him a bit more and listen to a song by Kari Jobe that really speaks my heart. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3GijrnfStk Then I'll wait for slumber to finally come for me. He obviously has something he wants to tell me.

Diversity

When I was reading about friendship this morning I read this quote by Maya Angelou "We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color."  I spent the evening with four friends last night, most of whom I haven't seen for quite awhile.  In fact, the last time we spent a good chunk of time together was two years ago when we celebrated my 50th birthday.  It was more than just a girls birthday weekend; it was a spiritual retreat where we looked deep into our souls and talked about God as we celebrated life and friendships.  
  I love the diversity of these and other friendships.  And I am so grateful that the older I get, the more comfortable I become in who I am.  I am not nearly so worried about what people think about me (isn't that what you do in your teens, 20s and 30s?).  I am comfortable in my own skin; I am willing to speak what I'm thinking and not fret about it for hours afterwards.  I also am less about trying to put people in a box and think they should be something they're not.  These four women are so different.  One has been wrestling with God and the persona that the modern-day evangelical church places on people; another was on a two-year journey to find a different place to worship after rumblings of discontent, only to return to our local place of worship.  Another has recently had her second reconstructive surgery in an effort to help her body and self image.   We all have our "stuff".  And what a colorful conversation we had.  Celebrating life...questioning....pressing....laughing.  Diversity at its finest.

Don't you love creation

They say life is a journey.  I tell my consultants and women I disciple in their relationship with God "enjoy the journey".  Most days I enjoy it; some I don't.   I'd say we definitely recently had a "journey of a lifetime"....a trip that will go down as one of our most memorable, although I've had so many memorable ones.  The Mendenhall Glacier in Alaska.   Such a contrast from Iowa.  I really do love summer in Iowa, even though the humidity is not fun. I love rising early as the sun is peaking over the horizon. I love listening to the birds sing as they awaken us all. And I love marveling at God's creation. One week ago I was taking in the beauty of Alaska and Canada and reflecting on His Word in Revelation 4:11 "You are worthy O Lord our God, to receive glory and honor and power. For You created everything, and it is for Your pleasure that they exist and were created." WOW - to think that he created all this for his pleasure and WE get to enjoy it and nurture it and experience Him through it. I love that.

  After we left the glaciers we journeyed down to the Butchart Gardens in Victoria.  Wow,  another example of unique and beautiful - can't even put into words.  What a trip; what a journey into "the last frontier" as Alaska is called".   And how grateful I am that we were able to go (thanks to my company).

  Life is so short. My sis-in-law just died in January at age 50; another friend died in May at age 51 from cancer, and a 3rd friend has weeks/months, leaving behind 3 young sons in their 20s.  None of these women will get to travel at a time when you can finally afford it, although to those whose faith was founded in Christ they are in that place of eternity where we can only but imagine.  None will get to watch her grandchildren grow and experience the joy of spending time with them. None will get to nurture them and build into them and teach them about God. None will get to enjoy her adult children and spend time on walks with her husband, at a time when the wisdom of the years starts settling in. That makes me sad. I love the time I spend with my husband, my children and my precious grandson, Dawson. And so as long as God gives me life and breath I will live full-on. Traveling to enjoy His creation, spending time with friends and family. Worshiping God and loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. Learning to age with grace and appreciate each and every day that God chooses to give me breath.

summer fun (and work)

Summer is in full swing; which means it was time to get working in our backyard again. The plan, drawn up by a local landscaper, includes a creek bed that empties into a pond. I was fine to have it be a dry creek bed; that got vetoed by the men in my life and as it turns out, I think it's going to bring hours of fun as we watch it evolve.

This weekend was spent loading and unloading two large truckloads of rocks, found by brother-in-law Brad up near Sheffield. And with their help, and the help of son Chris, friend Matt and nephew-in-law Scott we got them all in place. Now another 2-3 more truckloads and that part should be finished.

God is so good; I started praying that we could find some rocks for free. At $100/ton needing about 10 ton was starting to add up. Not sure if the pump will get installed yet this year but we'll wait and see. We're looking forward to Memorial Day and hoping to have 3 days of nice weather to get more done. We'll be looking for perennials from anyone who wants to divide. Our goal is to have the backyard be mostly shrubs, perennials, prairie grasses and wildflowers - a natural habitat for people and birds to enjoy. Dawson is thoroughly enjoying it. Throwing rocks and playing in the water has been his favorite pastime for the past two months. I think I'm going to be known as "pond Grandma".

Working out in the yard in the overcast weather is always deceiving. Several neighbors were sporting a good sunburn from being outdoors all day Sunday. Thankfully I use my BeautiControl Cell Block C every morning as routine. I think I would have been fried too. We're in for a hot, humid week; summer is here!